This week’s SATURDAY SIX takes a look at the REAL reasons why Disneyland “feels” empty after the opening of Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge! TouringPlans has been leading the way on coverage from Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge out in Disneyland. From Millenium Falcon: Smugglers Run, to merchandise, to food at Docking Bay 7, to even the garbage cans, we’ve covered every square inch of the new 14 acre land. TouringPlans had all hands on deck because – like everyone else – we expected the opening of Galaxy’s Edge to be the biggest event in the history of Disneyland. Going in, most had the mindset of “pack a lunch, because you’re going to be waiting a while to get into what will surely be the most popular theme park land ever created.”
But then a funny thing happened. The crowds didn’t come.
This past week there was an article posted online giving 7 reasons why Disneyland feels less crowded this summer after the opening of Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge. Don’t get us wrong; it was good, but it wasn’t quite good enough. We here at the SATURDAY SIX aren’t completely onboard with the idea of the opening of Emotional Whirlwind at DCA being a legitimate reason why the Indiana Jones Adventure and Pirates of the Caribbean have become a “walk on.”
So we put our heads together and came out with even MORE reasons why Disneyland feels less crowded since Galaxy’s Edge opened starting with…
# 6 – Disney banned loose ice. What did they think would happen?!
Back in May, Disney implemented some major changes at the theme parks. They banned larger strollers, smoking, and loose ice. Not since the halcyon days of selfie sticks have we seen a change that affected such a large amount of guests.
# 5 – It’s California. People arrive “fashionably late” for things. Everyone knows this.
In Game of Thrones, the Dothraki have a saying: it is known. One thing that is known about the residents of California is that they show up late for everything, so why should the opening of Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge be any different? It’s not “cool” or “hip” to be early. NAY NAY, if you want to show true measure of status you show up late. If that mentality applies to sporting events, red carpet events, and Hollywood parties, why wouldn’t it also apply to the theme parks? It just makes sense.
# 4 – Disneyland Social Clubs still upset about merchandise put into Main Street Cinema
On June 17, Disneyland transitioned the fabled Main Street Cinema into a merchandise location. The general reaction to this change was – to put it lightly – not kind. While not admitting it was due to overwhelming negative response, on June 21, the merchandise “test” was removed.
For those of us immersed in the world of theme parks, we know how invested the Disneyland Social Clubs feel about “their park.” A change to the Main Street Cinema, especially one that involved throwing in generic merchandise, was going to grind their gears. Unfortunately this may be the future of Disney parks, and is the direct result of corporate restructuring. In the past “Parks and Resorts” and “Consumer Products” were two completely separate divisions of the company. Now, they are combined into one: Parks, Experiences, and Consumer Products. What does that mean? It means that bags of popcorn are strategically placed in the queue of the Millenium Falcon: Smugglers Run to help generate sales for Kat-Saka’s Kettle. It also means places like the Main Street Cinema are going to need a find a way to “generate revenue” to justify their existence in this whole new world. (And speaking of whole new world, you can read about the new Aladdin tea pot for sale here.)
# 3 – Yeah, there’s lightsabers and blue milk on Batuu, but turns out everyone just wanted the sporks
There are a lot of great things to buy in Galaxy’s Edge. The lightsaber experience at Savi’s Workshop has earned rave reviews from everyone who has done it. Guests who have built their own droid love the amount of options they have for their creation. Blue milk? Well, at least it doesn’t taste as bad as the green milk does. But the biggest surprise hit of the entire land were the metal sporks used during the opening preview days of Docking Bay 7. With a unique look that evokes the design of the Death Star, these sporks just looked cool (despite being a relatively impractical eating utensil).
Within days, the sporks were replaced with normal plastic forks. Disney has not given any reason for this change, but word on the streets is that most of the sporks “walked away.” In fact, many of them walked straight to eBay. A check of the auction site reveals that many of these stolen sporks are being resold to the highest bidder. Not just sporks either, if an item wasn’t nailed down, someone was going to take it and try to resell it.
# 2 – Potential guests still stuck in line at Hagrid’s Magic Creatures Motorbike Adventure
Okay, we know that crowds in Disneyland are light, but have we considered it’s because many potential guests are still in Florida stuck in an “inhumane” line for Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure at Islands of Adventure?! The principal behind Occam’s Razor is that the simple solution is generally the correct one, and we know that Universal is packed. If Universal is packed, it means that we know what people are doing: Enjoying Volcano Bay, riding the Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man, or Googling “signs of a possible cardiac arrest” after eating the Voodoo Doughnut Burger. If Universal is packed it also means we know what they aren’t doing: going to Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge.
# 1 – FOBO – Fear Of Bloggers Outside
We’ve all heard of “FOMO,” the Fear Of Missing Out. A recent article explaining the “feeling” of low crowds at Disneyland blamed it on JOMO, the Joy Of Missing Out by non-fans. At the SATURDAY SIX we feel the issue goes deeper and even more sillier than that, with FOBO, the Fear Of Bloggers Outside.
You see, while in the grand scheme of things there may not be many people inside Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge, the one demographic that the land is filled to the brim with is BLOGGERS. These bloggers are some of the hardest working men and women this planet has to offer, but some of them may lack what conventional wisdom refers to as “social skills.” So while the planet Tatooine may be home to a wretched hive of scum and villainy, the planet of Batuu is home to a group of individuals who may scare people even more: bloggers and vloggers.
Star Wars fans are able to quote “these aren’t the droids you’re looking for” from memory, but the phrase you’ll hear the most on Batuu is “HEY GUYS!” as various “theme park personalities” film every square inch of the land for their dedicated audience. Don’t forget to like and subscribe, but most importantly: RUN!
Honorable Mentions – We’re not done yet….
After our brainstorming session, we realized there had to be even MORE legitimate, 100% completely true reasons why the Disneyland resort “feels” less crowded. Here’s some of our top choices:
- Marvel fans still at movie theater trying to help Avengers: Endgame pass Avatar
- Google Maps hasn’t updated location of new Pixar parking garage
- Everyone at Church (Sundays only)
- Weather not good
- Weather too good
- Costume ban keeping out all the real Star Wars fans
- No avocado toast on Batuu making it a barrier of entry to Millennials
So there you have it: The 100% Completely REAL Reasons Disneyland Crowds Are Low! See you next weekend for the latest installment of the SATURDAY SIX, where we’ll look at something fun from the world of Disney and Universal. If you enjoyed yourself, be sure to check out The Magic, The Memories, and Merch! articles, or, for your listening pleasure, check out the E-Ticket Report podcast. You can also follow Your Humble Author on Twitter (@derekburgan).
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Special Thanks to The Elite Brandon Glover, Minnesota’s third favorite son and creator of Little Tiki Hut on the Prarie @dizwire, the bio-est of all reconstructs @bioreconstruct, Mr. ‘Ohana Tim Grassey, the SAT SIX Fun Squad of Parkscope Joe and Nick, hot shot Michael Carelli, and Hermione Granger’s tutor Megan Stump for their invaluable assistance with this article. The SAT SIX is inspired each week by goofballs Aengus Mackenzie and LitemAndHyde and you Potterheads will enjoy Meg’s other blog work over at the Central Florida Slug Club.
FINAL PLUG! Did you know The 2019 Unofficial Guide to Universal Orlando has a special edition of the SATURDAY SIX in it?That’s right, ANOTHER NEW ONE EXCLUSIVE TO THIS EDITION!Finally, someone came up with an actual reason to read a book. ORDER this baby now!